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National Domestic Violence Prevention Month

Preaching on Domestic Violence in October


Domestic violence is a major justice and peace issue for our communities of faith. The following are some introductions for homilies on each Sunday in October followed by ideas for the body of the homily.

October 7th: Habakkuk

In the first reading we hear Habakkuk's cry to God for help. "I cry out to you "violence", but you do not intervene." Habakkuk is referring to the violence in Israel during his time. "Destruction and violence are before me. There is strife and clamorous discord." God answers that Habakkuk should not lose faith. God says, "Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets, so that one can read it readily. For the vision still has its time, presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint; if it delays, wait for it, it surely will come, it will not be late."

October is the Domestic Violence Awareness month and Habakkuk's cry
reminds me of the desperate cries of so many women victims of domestic
violence in our communities and our nation.

October 14: 2 Book of Kings

In our first reading Naaman is cured of leprosy after plunging into the
Jordan River seven times. He is thrilled and returns to the prophet
Elisha to present him with a gift in gratitude for the cure. When
Elisha refuses it, Naaman asks for a few mule-loads of earth from Israel
to take home. He promises to trust only in the God of the Jews. In the
gospel, we hear of Jesus' cure of the ten lepers and only one returns to
thank him.

These stories of enthusiastic "thanks you's" remind me of women who are
liberated from domestic violence (or whom I have assisted to be
liberated from DV). October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Victims of domestic violence are forever thankful for the support,
acceptance and accompaniment given them during their struggles to free
themselves from domestic abuse.

October 21: Exodus

In our first reading, Aaron and Hur have to hold up Moses' arms while
Israel does battle against Amalek and his army. The battle continued
for a good while. When Moses grew tired and lowered his hands, Amalek
got the better of the fight.

The need for Moses to be constant in his prayer during the battle of the
Israelites, reminds me our need to be constant in our accompaniment of
victims of domestic violence, who themselves are battling to free
themselves from abuse. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Many women suffer through years of abuse and agonize over the decision
whether to liberate themselves from violence or continue to try to save
their marriage. We who watch their struggle must be faithful and
constant in our support as Moses was during the Israelites' battle.

October 28 Sirach

Today's first reading tells us that "the Lord is a God of justice who
knows no favorites. Though not unduly partial toward the weak, yet he
hears the cry of the oppressed. The Lord is not deaf to the wail of the
orphan, nor to the widow when she pours out her complaint."

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I have no doubt that God
hears the cry of so many women victims of domestic violence. The
problem is that we often do not hear their cries, their muffled,
disguised and often only whispered cries.

Body of Homily

Domestic violence occurs largely behind closed doors, in secret. It is
often hidden from everyone but those in the family. And members of the
family often keep it a secret. It's too embarrassing or they simply do
not know where to turn.

Domestic violence is rampant in our community. The statistics prove it
is an epidemic. Many women here today are victims of domestic violence,
and you understand how painful and shameful it can be.

-Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in the United States.

- 1 in 4 women (25%) is battered. Imagine 1 out of every 4 women has
been beaten. That means it's an epidemic.

- Annually, more than 4,000 men murder their intimate partners.

- Each year, 4 million men in America physically abuse their intimate
partners.

- Certainly, some men are abused, but at least 95% of the victims of
domestic abuse are women.

- Violence is the leading cause of injury to women between ages 15 and
44.

- Two in five women (40%) who are murdered are killed by their husbands.

- Domestic violence results in more injuries that require medical
attention than rape, accidents, and muggings combined.

- And during pregnancy, 37% (that is 1 in 3) women of every race, class,
educational background are physically abused.

Definition: Many women victims of domestic violence are unaware they are
victims. Perhaps because they have a narrow definition which only
includes physical violence. In fact, domestic violence is a behavior
pattern based on the use of power and control of one person over
another. It exists in different forms; it may be physical, verbal or
emotional, economical and sexual.

Domestic violence is learned behavior, meaning it is not genetic. And
since it is learned, it can also be unlearned or changed. But male
abusers will not change unless they are held accountable for their
actions. Some abusers will try to excuse themselves, and their victims
may even believe their rationalizations - such as the abuser is under a
lot of stress or he abused her while under the influence of drugs or
alcohol. Stress and alcohol can certainly aggravate abuse but they are
not the cause. Abusers choose to use different forms of violence
because they work to maintain power and control over their victims.

Most women victims of domestic violence struggle to liberate themselves
from their abuser. It's difficult. For many of us, we can't understand
why they just don't pick up and leave their abusers. Many, however, are
ashamed to have anyone know about it for fear of appearing to have
failed in their marriage. Some don't believe they can make it
economically without the abusers' financial help. Others don't want to
separate their children from their fathers; despite the abuse, children
often pressure their mothers not to leave their fathers and sometimes
the abusers themselves use their children against their wives.

Often women victims interiorize the emotional abuse and believe they are
responsible for provoking the abusers' violence. Maybe if they were
better wives or mothers, they say, their husbands would not be so
abusive. Many begin believing the abusers' insults that they are
ignorant, incompetent, helpless and ugly. Their self-confidence is
gone. Their self image is on the floor.

Domestic violence often takes the form of economic control, especially
in cases where the woman works at home. She has no income and has to
ask, if not plead, for every penny she needs for the household and
children. The abuser demands full accountability and continues to
belittle her as financially irresponsible and not to be trusted with
money.

Sexual abuse is common also, notably when men demand their wives watch
pornography, or engage in activity or wear clothes the women find
offensive. Some even force their wives to have sex, actually raping
them.

Most victims of domestic violence go through a stage of trying to please
their abusive partners. They try to placate them as best they can. They
walk on egg shells. Clearly they are motivated by fear and completely
dependent on their abusers' whims and moods. They may avoid explosions
of physical violence or angry outbursts but they live as oppressed
victims of emotional violence. If the abuser simply says he will her,
it may be enough to silence and subdue his wife for a life time.

After severe episodes of violence, whether beatings, yelling or threats,
abusers generally become remorseful. They apologize and ask for
forgiveness while at the same time blaming the victims for having caused
the violence they themselves perpetrated. This is the honeymoon stage
and it is highly unlikely to continue. The change of mood confuses the
victim, however, as she begins to think he will change. In fact,
abusers generally do not change. Soon the tension will begin to build
again as he pursues his goal of maintaining power and control. Abusers
will not change until they are held accountable for their violence.

Unfortunately, our church has in some ways been complicit in this
epidemic of domestic violence. We have not spoken out against it. We
have not preached that no one deserves to be abused and no one should
stay in an abusive relationship. Many victims take literally that their
marriage is forever, and, therefore, they can never leave their abusive
husbands without offending God. Maybe their mothers even told them they
have to carry their cross just like they themselves did. Certainly
abusers are quick to quote scripture to justify their power and control.
They distort the Word by insisting women were created to serve men and
that wives must be subject to their husbands.

Today as we hear our scriptures, we must set the record straight. The
church rejects all forms of domestic violence and urges women to protect
themselves and their children, even if that means a separation and
divorce from their abusers. Our church must help to protect them and
assist them in freeing themselves from the violence.

As a community of faith we reach out to every victim of domestic
violence. We encourage you to come out of the shadows and seek help. We
want to support you in your struggle for peace. We want you to be safe
and free, filled with love, joy and hope for the future.

Many of us here today know someone who is experiencing domestic
violence. We need to tell them they do not have to suffer the violence.
We need to listen to them and to assure them that we support them in
their efforts to free themselves from the violence.

Story: At some point in the homily, the preacher should add his or her
own personal story of a woman victim of domestic violence. Here is a
sample:

A woman came to see me last week. She asked me to talk to her husband
because he was drinking a lot. I asked her how he was treating her.
"Not well," she said. "Does he use bad language on you?" "Yes," she
replied. "What words does he use?" "He calls me stupid and even worse
names," which I can't mention in the pulpit. "Does he hit you?" "No,
not recently." "How long ago did he hit you?" "Three months ago."
"How did he hit you?" "With his fist, but he apologized the next day
and hasn't hit me since. "Does your family know about this?" "No, I am
ashamed to tell them." "Do you have anyone to talk to or support you?"
"No" she said. "Well," I said, "you don't deserve to be treated this
way, and I want to support you. I'll bet you don't feel very good about
yourself, do you?" "No," she said. "Well, I want you to talk to a
counselor to build up your self-esteem and make you strong enough so you
can confront your husband and figure out whether you will stay with him
or free yourself from this terrible abuse. If your husband wants to
talk to me, I would be happy to."

Conclusion: Return to make connection to scripture.

October 7 Habbakkub cried out to God about the violence in his time,
and he thought God did not hear him. Today, many victims of domestic
violence cry out to God and we must hear their plea. We, as individuals
and as church, can and should be God's messengers of love, liberation
and peace for these women who endure the torment of domestic violence
and have nearly lost hope. Let us be sensitive but strong in our
response; let us be compassionate but firm in our resolve to bring God's
liberating grace to so many victims of domestic violence.

October 14 Naaman thanked Elisha for his cure from leprosy, and one
Samaritan leper returned to thank Jesus for making him clean. Women
victims of domestic violence will thank God and us for our support and
encouragement in their struggle to free themselves from domestic abuse.
We, as individuals and as church, can and should be God's messengers of
love, liberation and peace for these women who endure the torment of
domestic violence and have nearly lost hope. Let us be sensitive but
strong in our response; let us be compassionate but firm in our resolve
to bring God's liberating grace to so many victims of domestic violence.

October 21: Moses remained constant in prayer while the Isarelites did
battled again Amalek and his army. We must be constant in our support
of women victims of domestic violence who struggle to free themselves
from domestic abuse. We, as individuals and as church, can and should
be God's messengers of love, liberation and peace for these women who
endure the torment of domestic violence and have nearly lost hope. Let
us be sensitive but strong in our response; let us be compassionate but
firm in our resolve to bring God's liberating grace to so many victims
of domestic violence.

October 28: The Bible reveals to us a God of justice, a God who hears
the cry of the poor and oppressed, the widow and orphan but also women
victims of domestic violence. We need to open our ears to their cries
and respond with the same understanding that Jesus should to all who
suffer injustice. We, as individuals and as church, can and should be
God's messengers of love, liberation and peace for women who endure the
torment of domestic violence and have nearly lost hope. Let us be
sensitive but strong in our response; let us be compassionate but firm
in our resolve to bring God's liberating grace to so many victims of
domestic violence.

Prepared by: Chuck Dahm, OP (St. Albert) North American Co-Promoter of Justice and Peace
RELATED LINKS

The National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233).



National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Family Violence Prevention Fund

Amnesty International USA site on human rights for women

Prepared by: Chuck Dahm, OP (St. Albert) North American Co-Promoter of Justice and Peace

 

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